Abby Wambach: Use failures as ‘fuel’ to learn, lead and inspire

Key takeaways:

• Olympic gold medalist and soccer star Abby Wambach said true leaders learn to embrace and learn from failure.
• Wambach said those who score goals should always celebrate the team that makes it possible.

SAN FRANCISCO — When two-time Olympic gold medalist and FIFA World Cup champion Abby Wambach described the 3x5 victory photo taped to a wall that inspires her to this day, it was not the “win” one might expect.

It was a photo of a crushing loss in 1995, when Norway knocked the U.S. women’s national soccer team out of the World Cup, sending them home early. The photo, taped to a wall above the senior national women’s team door, showed the Norwegian team happily celebrating. Wambach, a teenager at the time, called the photo, “the most pivotal thing in my national team career.”

The women’s team would later win the Olympic gold medal in 1996 in Atlanta, go on to win the World Cup in 1999, and later become the most successful team in international women’s soccer.

“I am certain it is because they made failure their fuel,” said Wambach, speaking during a keynote lecture at the ACOG Annual Clinical & Scientific Meeting. “They turned what was the most heartbreaking thing that ever happened to them into a constant reminder. For the rest of my career, I could not get that out of me. In fact, when failure shows up in my daily life, I say, ‘Something good is about to happen.’ It takes time. I understand there is embarrassment or devastation when failure shows up, but it is possible to think of it as a source of fuel.”

‘How do you celebrate a goal?’

Wambach, also an author, activist and six-time winner of the U.S. Soccer Athlete of the Year award, said she was inspired by people like soccer legend and U.S. Olympian Michelle Akers, whom Wambach said she was fortunate enough to play alongside as a teen. Akers, Wambach said, “gave herself permission” to say “give me the ball” during moments that mattered.

“People ask how I scored so many goals in such dire moments for our team,” Wambach said. “I demanded the ball. I was audacious enough to tell my teammates, ‘Get me the ball.’ It wasn’t cocky. It was just ... correct.”

Despite the displays of confidence, Wambach said, she did not score every time she demanded the ball — far from it. Those moments, too, offered life lessons, she said.

“I did not score every single time I demanded the ball. I did not win every tournament I played in,” Wambach said. “When I did not deliver when I demanded the ball, I would say, ‘I messed up. I did not follow through.’ I didn’t do what I said I was going to do. Michelle [Akers] followed through. It made me believe that when I demand the ball, I too have to follow through. It will not always land in success, whatever that is. It is about accountability. Have the confidence and wherewithal to put people on your back and carry them along.”

Wambach added that any goals that were scored were never the work of one person, and there were more lessons to be learned in watching how opposing teams celebrate those moments.

“I can tell almost everything I need to know about a team by how they celebrate those goals,” Wambach said. “I can tell if they like the coach, or if they like the assist maker, or if it was a play they drew up last week and were drilling over and over. I can tell so much. All of us in this room will be a goal scorer at some point. I never scored a single goal without the help of a teammate. Never.”

It is why for every goal scored, Wambach said, she always tried to point to the person who assisted her on the field.

“Who are you pointing to? Did you point?” Wambach asked. “If you are not the goal scorer, how do you celebrate that goal? Are you running toward her? How are you interfacing with those who might be on the sidelines?”

Lessons in low moments

Wambach also reflected on moments of difficulty, like her final World Cup appearance when she learned she would be used as a “game changer” — a positive-sounding euphemism for a substitute who would instead spend most of the game on the bench. Her entire family had flown in to watch her play.

“I got benched. I would not be a starter for the rest of that tournament for the United States,” Wambach said. “I was pacing in my hotel room, not sure of anything.”

Wambach opted to use the experience as a moment to lead. She chose, she said, to be the loudest cheerleader for her team, ultimately getting more attention for her supportive sideline behavior encouraging teammates.

“Every single thing I had yet to learn about leadership was sitting on that bench,” Wambach said. “I had no idea how important it was ... to be able to say things, just with my words, and [teammates] would listen and do them. I had no idea that sitting there on that bench would make the world see me as a leader.’

“We are all going to be benched,” Wambach said. “How you respond matters.”

‘Flipping the fairy tales’

Wamback advised attendees to consider “flipping the fairy tales” they may have been taught as children — specifically, the classic story of “Little Red Riding Hood.”

“[That story] is why I titled my book Wolfpack,” Wambach said. “Little Red Riding Hood, as long as she doesn’t go off the path, she is fine. But if she ventures off the beaten path, the Big Bad Wolf will come out and eat her. That is a terrible message to tell a little girl.”

“If I could go back and tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: ‘Abby, you were never Little Red Riding Hood. You were always the wolf.’”