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Self-love is the cornerstone of resiliency
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Resilient people regard themselves lovingly. I am not speaking of a self-absorbed conceit. Rather, people who live a joyful and peaceful life have a healthy respect for themselves and their own well-being. If we neglect ourselves and our basic fundamental needs, happiness will elude us.
Indeed, self-love is the true cornerstone of resiliency. In his masterpiece, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Steven Covey relates to the old fable The Goose with the Golden Eggs. If we wish a desired result (golden eggs), then we need to first and foremost feed the goose. When we neglect ourselves and don’t feed our internal “‘goose,” we cannot produce our desired result — a happy life.
Meet your own needs
Since people who dedicate their lives to serving others are happier, we must first meet our own psycho, social, physical and spiritual needs in order to truly serve. We simply cannot give what we do not have.
Imagine the internal resources you can share with patients when you slept well, had a great night with your family and fit in a workout before work. Contrast this to your internal “bank account” after a sleepless night following an argument with your significant other.
Truly loving people give to others from a source of abundance: they are not needy, demanding or codependent. They extend their inner peace to others without expectation of anything in return. The truly resilient people recognize that this moment is all they ever need and they naturally extend love to all they encounter.
Only if one truly loves themselves can they extend genuine love to another. How does one cultivate such a healthy self-regard? It takes time to break old habits and ways of seeing yourself and the world.
Accept the present
For me, quieting my mind daily and connecting with my true inner essence helps me to turn off the internal critic who seeks to rob me of my self-esteem. When we can truly stop the chatter in our minds, we come to the realization that all is well and we accept the present and ourselves as is.
I also am gaining more appreciation of listening to my body and what it is saying. I try to ask myself frequently “what do I really need today?” Or if I were my best friend, how would I treat myself today.
If you are tired, get more rest. If you have lost your “zip,” get to the gym. If your relationships are suffering, urgently seek to repair them. If you feel you are subjected to injustice, speak up. No one will represent your needs better than you. To love oneself means to express feelings freely, without necessarily judging others.
All the great spiritual traditions teach love others as you love yourself. There will no lasting happiness in your life when you neglect your most precious possession — you.
A still mind will help you appreciate the gift to the world that you are. You will naturally extend love and compassion to others and be blessed by others in return.