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Relationships are our best spiritual teachers
Did you ever consider that the relationships you have in your life are potentially your best spiritual guides? Many spiritual writers convey the concept that the people in your life who you are closest to hold the promise of your Sadhana – or path to spiritual growth.
Proactive relationships
I have written in the past on how we determine the quality of our relationships. Great marriages, for example, don’t just manifest. They are the result of positive decisions that one, or hopefully both, partners choose regularly. The proactive approach to any relationship is to assume responsibility for the outcome. Humans are hardwired to respond, by virtue of natural law, to any action, be it positive or negative. If you are truly a loving presence, your spouse, partner or friend will respond positively. Anger, resentment, pain and negativity will vanquish in the presence of unconditional love. When we are truly present to those in our lives, we extend unconditional acceptance and unconditional love.
Spiritual growth
Growth occurs when we each take stock of what we bring to our relationships. If there is any negativity in any relationship, then ask the following “what sort of energy am I bringing to this encounter?” Or ask “what childhood hurt is being activated now?”
Usually, the quality of the relationship will mirror what is going on in your internal life. When we can step back and observe our negativity, we can then begin to grow beyond measure. We can only do this when we practice present moment awareness.
In his masterpiece, The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle relates that spiritual growth occurs in proportion to the amount of presence one brings to relationships. That is, when are totally in the moment and observe, rather than be our negativity, the quality of our relationships – and lives – blossoms.
In the now, our ego wanes and all negative emotions will recede including defensiveness, anger, jealously and judgment. Your closest relationships will challenge the most to just be. Yet they are our greatest opportunities for growth. For example, when you come home in the evening and ask your spouse/partner “how was your day?” and just try to listen fully and be present. Focus entirely on just being there. Observe any negativity such as judgment or defensiveness within you and just be. Your presence conveys unconditional love and acceptance. All creatures thrive on this. If your spouse/partner is demonstrating any negativity, it will gradually wane since negative energy cannot survive in the presence of unconditional love. In time, as your practice watching and not having negative emotions, their hold on you will subside.
Just practice presence to those you love and in time you will learn to respond and not react to them. When we are truly present we act from a higher source and are free from egoic reactivity. We will begin to live a more inspired life and a less reactive one.
Here we grow again
Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor and revered psychiatrist, knew that every second holds an opportunity for growth. Regarding his experience in the Nazi concentration camp he wrote, “It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us.”
In every encounter, we can ask what is this encounter asking of me. The answer is a loving presence. If you feel particularly challenged by those closest to you to be present, then the real work begins. Gary Zukav, author of Seat of the Soul, writes “the hardest times to choose love become the very times that you can most grow spiritually.”
Embrace the power of transformation that relationships hold. In every encounter you can choose to practice present moment unconditional love and acceptance or fall victim to your negativity. Learn to create space between you and your negative thoughts. In time, after practicing being a loving presence, the peace and joy in your life will multiply.
Now just be with those you love.