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Make the proactive choice to be a 'light' rather than a critic
“If you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will.” – Abraham Lincoln
One of the quickest paths to resiliency is to nurture and develop a forgiving and non-judgmental heart. When we judge others and enter “attack mode,” we quickly descend into negative energy. Our mood degenerates, energy dissipates and we simply are less available to our patients, family and friends.
Why do we judge?
In short, we judge to project onto others our own pain. In their classic work, Self Esteem, McKay and Fanning elegantly describe how we all see the world through different lenses. The activity of our own “inner critic” influences whether we will see the world through rose-colored or gray-colored glasses. The authors continue by stating that when we judge or criticize others, we also are “priming” our own inner self critic.
The solution to negative thinking lies in the truth that the more loving and gentle we are to others, the more kind and tolerant we become of ourselves. When we begin to see the world with more compassion, we will turn the same loving eyes on ourselves.
We can all make the proactive choice to become “lights” rather than critics. When we shift our attention to all that is good in others, we will necessarily become more positive in how we regard ourselves as well.
Just when you read to “blast” the scrub nurse for forgetting to pull your favorite retractor, consider what McKay and Fanning have to say about less than perfect behavior. At any given instant everyone is doing their best based on their needs and awareness. Perhaps the scrub nurse has a sick child and needed to call home before the case. The child’ illness prompted the nurse to become less aware of the importance of the retractor to this surgeon.
Helpful hints to consider
1) Make a list of all that you love about your spouse/partner and refer to it daily.
2) Praise and “bless” your OR staff before your next case. Then see what happens.
3) Before you feel compelled to criticize, pause, breathe, and then ask yourself “Is what I am about to say positive?” As the ancient proverb states, “It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.”
As the holidays approach it is an opportune time to decide to sow the seeds of a rich family and work culture by becoming “love finders” – not critics. Your self-esteem will blossom and your patients will reap the rewards of a happier and more energetic surgeon.