Lessons learned from my father: 'John D'

ByJohn D. Kelly IV, MD

Father’s Day is bittersweet for me. I truly appreciate the gift of fatherhood and couldn’t imagine life without my wife and children. However, this June will mark the 10th anniversary of my father’s passing. My father was truly a remarkable man who taught me many precious life lessons.

‘John D’

John D. Kelly III, aka “John D” was a strapping, two-fisted, hard-drinking and fiery Irishman. A noted Marine Corps boxer, his record in the ring paled in comparison to his performance in the bar he owned and operated, where best estimates place his pugilistic “encounters” to more than 100 “bouts.” Remarkably, he prevailed in all of his barroom “situations” and usually by knockout. Despite his demons, my father possessed a brilliant understanding of life and people.

Lessons learned

He taught me to treat everyone first class. My father saw no division in societal stature, economic status, race or creed. He simply treated everyone with dignity and respect. Whether one was the CEO of the DuPont Company or the bar janitor, John D greeted them with a smile and warm embrace.

My father immersed himself in charitable pursuits. He taught me to stay close to the poor and disenfranchised. He gave frequently to Little Sisters of the Poor, visited veterans regularly and even led a Boy Scout troop comprised solely of mentally retarded adolescents. He was quick to lend someone money and rescued many an alcoholic from self-destruction.

My father’s other job was a stand-up comedian. He frequently performed at banquets and local variety shows. Importantly, my father knew that the best way to serve others is to make them happy. He had a joke for every occasion. He simply knew how to make people feel good. For this reason, he became a favorite son of his beloved hometown of Wilmington, Del., and ultimately a “ticket-leading” politician.

Faith, honor and respect

My father could be hung-over in Mexico, yet he always made it to Sunday Mass. He regularly said prayers for his mother, whom he lost at an early age. He became a fourth degree Knight of Columbus, a Catholic service organization dedicated to charity and benevolence. He practiced with zeal what the Catholic faith describes as corporal acts of mercy, including visiting the sick and imprisoned, clothing the naked, feeding the hungry, burying the dead and especially sheltering the homeless. Our home harbored more destitute and hard-luck souls than the Salvation Army. The third floor of our house was reserved for the most unfortunate, where “tenants”’ would reside free of charge, often for months at a time. My youth was indeed colorful due to the numerous, essentially homeless, characters who graced our home and made holidays especially memorable.

As a Marine, my father revered the virtues of honor and respect. No foul language was tolerated ever in the presence of a woman, especially my mother. My father was fiercely loyal to his family and his country. There was no bad mouthing the Kelly family or the United States in John D’s presence – for fear of a left hook to the jaw. My father was eager to spend his last few years in public service – first as Sheriff and then as Register of the Chancery Court.

As Father’s Day approaches, I recognize, more than ever, the gift of ‘John D’ in my life. Integrity, respect, love for the poor, service through laughter and steadfast faith are the life lessons every child deeply needs in order to lead a fulfilled life, a life of significance. Indeed, when my father passed away his viewing was packed with souls indelibly touched by my father. Dignitaries and street people alike paid homage to the man who in some way consoled their spirit in a loving action.

I miss you, Dad.