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Balancing practice and life: Having a happy marriage

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KOLOA, Hawaii — A strong marriage can be an important asset for medical professionals who desire a successful professional and personal life, according to a Your Practice/Your Life presentation here.

“Marriage is the ‘Big Kahuna’ of all relationships,” Marie Sakosky-Kelly, RN, said to an audience of attendees and their spouses at Orthopedics Today Hawaii 2011. “It can make or break your happiness.”

Marie Sakoski-Kelly

Sakosky-Kelly and husband, John D. Kelly IV, MD, the Orthopedics Today Your Practice/Your Life column editor, told the audience that a happy marriage can alleviate the stressors that affect the busy orthopedic professional.

“I could not do what I do without Marie,” Kelly said.

Create the marriage you want

Sakosky-Kelly reminded the audience that great marriages just don’t happen. “You create the life and the marriage that you want to have,” she said. “They are the result of conscious decision, effort and an ongoing commitment. We have the power to determine the quality of our marriage.”

Deciding to commit to a better marriage will enrich the lives of both partners, she said.

One deterrent to a good marriage is the emotional “baggage” that people bring into their unions. Sakosky-Kelly said the things that we learn under stress will be repeated. “Childhood hurts can cause unrealistic demands in marriage.”

Childhood trauma, adulthood drama

Kelly said the trauma of childhood is the drama of adulthood, and that old hurts that are brought into a union will surface under times of stress. These are the times that married couples like to push each others’ buttons and your “mentor can become your tormentor.”

He said that the ego causes some partners to want to always be right, always be the strong one. However, “it is better to be in the relationship, than to be right.”

There are some circumstances though, when ending a marriage is the only recourse. They include issues such as abuse, refusal of one partner to seek help to improve a marriage and repeated offenses that violate dignity. – by Lee Beadling

Reference:

• Sakosky-Kelly M, et al. Marriage stress and orthopedic practice. Presented at Orthopedics Today Hawaii 2011. Jan. 16-19. Koloa, Hawaii.

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