Gaynor Fries of OWL: It’s OK to ‘share the load’ and say ‘I don’t know’

Editor's note: This is an automatically generated transcript of Season 2, episode 12 of the Healio/WIO Our View Video Blog series, which has been slightly edited for clarity. Please notify editor@healio.com if there are concerns regarding accuracy of the transcription.

Welcome to our Healio Women in Ophthalmology blog. And today we have Gaynor Fries from OWL executive, Ophthalmic World Leaders. Gaynor, can you please share with our viewers some of the roles that you play in your life and of course with OWL?

Absolutely, thank you for having me here to be interviewed today. I really appreciate the opportunity and it's great to see you wonderful ladies. Yeah, so my name's Gaynor Fries. I'm the executive director at OWL. I've been with OWL for about 6 years as executive director. It seems hard to believe, it's gone pretty quickly, and I've been involved a few years in the background before I took on that role. And my journey to OWL really was — it was my first experience in eye care. So, I came with a nonprofit management and business management background, having worked in various roles since my late teens. And so, I really came in excited to learn more about eye care. The OWL community, and the eye care community generally, is such an amazing family that it's been a blessing to be part of it and I really enjoy it. Managing a nonprofit is probably a little different to what a lot of the audience has been through, I expect, or our experiences. It's a many different hats type of role. It's a lean team, a small team, and … no role is too small and no role is too big as Nivine Woods would say, our president. It's kind of an all-encompassing role and it's one of the things I really like about it and what I have enjoyed from my roles in the past. It’s just a variety of things. So, it's a lot of different things. It's being able to understand what you're good at, to reach out for help for areas you're not so good at, and also hiring good people that can help bring those technical skills that really … we're all being faced with more and more so in our daily work with all the new technology that's coming in and transforming eye care roles. So, it's been a very interesting journey for the past few years, and I thoroughly enjoy it.

Thank you. So, can you share any growth and flexibility tips from this journey that you've been with in OWL?

Yeah, I mean, I think being open to learning continuously is really important. We all bring our own skills and background and experience to that, but you have to be able to be willing to learn and, you know, thank goodness for Google for small teams where before we'd have, you know, an IT staff or people you could call for problems and now it's more of a problem solving. Okay, how are we going to figure this out? I'm very lucky to work with a very supportive board of directors who also have different skills and experiences to draw from. So, I think really just using the team around you that you have, whether it's a really small team or it's a larger team, I think just being willing to tap into that community around you is super important. And something that came to me probably later in life then I care to admit honestly is being willing to say you don't know. I think even those words are really difficult. I think for me, putting myself in a position where I would have to admit I didn't know something was really uncomfortable for me. And I think that as time has gone on, I've embraced that a little more and been willing to accept that, you know, we don't know everything. Nobody knows everything regardless of the role we're doing. And at some point, you have to kind of be willing just to say that and leave it out there and not stress about it afterwards which I have done many times in my life: Just overthink everything and really worry that I didn't have the right answers at the right time. But I think right now I'm at a point where it's, you know, you're comfortable to say, I don't know that, but, you know, let me see what I can find out.

I love that pearl. I really do. I think that's so great for our wellbeing, for our mental state that I don't know and then asking for help. Well, you kind of talked a little bit about the hats that we wear. And so, we also relationally wear a lot of hats. You are a daughter, a mother, a sister, a friend along with all of your work. But how do you kind of try to balance those different hats that you wear? Any pearls that you've learned along the way for that?

Yeah, I think, you know, we just became empty nesters last year. So, we're just adjusting to a new kind of normal right now for us. My kids are now both at college. And I think so that this past year has been a little bit of a transition time for me, but, you know, the balancing thing, I think communication again, it's just so key. And especially if I was coming up to a time where I'd be traveling and being away from the house and just trying to be organized ahead of time. You know, a shared calendar, of course, it's kind of basic, but I'm sure that everybody has those, but just being clear on what's coming up, you know, helping other people in the household to also be organized. I think as women, you know, I hate to generalize, but we do tend to hold onto a lot of that organization and like to try and be on top of it and be in control of it and making sure that things are running smoothly. And I think being willing to just share the load a little bit is … again, it takes a minute to let go of some things. It really does for me anyway. It took me a long time to be willing to let it go on and be comfortable that, okay, it might not have been done the way that I would have done it, but it would be done. And that's fine, that's fine, it's good enough. So even in your home life, if you typically have held onto that control part of it, I think being willing to just appreciate that, okay, it might not be the way that you would have done it or the way that you'd like it, but it would be done and that's fine. So yeah, I think that, again, I think it's just letting go. I think it seems to be a theme for today's conversation.

And really, I appreciate you sharing that because letting go and being able to say, “I don't know,” those are really helpful tips to help move forward and not feel the stress. What are some other real-world tips that you can share with us, Gaynor, especially when you're traveling for work, when your kids were home and not empty nesters like you guys are right now, what things helped you maintain that work-life balance?

I think for me, it's finding things that you enjoy doing and trying to prioritize that into your, it might not be every day, but at least into your week, I would say, depending on where you are in a family situation. I can't tell you how many times I've traveled, and I've packed my gym clothes and my sneakers and I had the intention of working out and I brought them right back home unworn every single time because it's not who I am and what I do. So, I don't … I have a couple of gym classes a week that I go to that I like. So that's what I'll do. I'm not going to go on and lift weights when I'm in a new place, it's just not me. So, I've stopped packing that now. I enjoy walking. So, if I'm traveling, I will just go for a walk and just explore the area, walk for as long as I feel like I can and then get back to my work or my meetings or whatever after that. So, I've stopped trying to do what I feel like you should be doing and just do what works for me. And again, this year I was trying to push myself into situations that are a little bit out of my comfort zone. For example, this type of interview that I'm grateful for the opportunity for, but it is a little out of the ordinary for me. Most people will know I like to stay in the background, but so trying to do more of that. I also started a calligraphy course and an American Sign Language course this year. So, things that just get me away from the computer a little bit and get my brain working in different ways. And something that I feel is that's just for me. So, in the past, when my kids were at home, I probably did things that the family would have liked or if my kids were happy, I was happy. That was how I really genuinely felt at that time. If the kids were having a great time, if we went somewhere and everybody was having a lovely time, I was happy and that did fulfill me at that time. But now I'm kind of just seeking other ways to find some other things just for me. And I did a little bit of calligraphy. I was practicing for a friend's wedding, which was really ambitious. And we ended up not going with it in the end. But my sister asked me if I did it with my left hand actually. So that's how good it was. But it's just the journey of trying something new and pushing yourself out there and finding something that's just for you. I think that's really important. And being part of a non-profit, I get a lot of satisfaction from my work. I'm also involved in other non-profits outside of OWL. And so that really makes me feel good about giving back too. I've really enjoyed that side of things where it's, for example, I help a senior dog charity. So, this weekend I spent my time reviewing grant applications for that. And that really made me feel good. And I felt like I have a little bit more balance on doing things outside of my work or outside of my family role, just finding things that make me feel good.

I love that. I want to just tell you that when we were growing up, we had this kitchen magnet. And just imagine this '70s fridge that was orange or mustard with this magnet that said, "Growth happens when you're uncomfortable." So, I think that's a great pearl, right? You only grow when you're pushed a bit.

That's right, yeah.

Thank you for joining us and being a little uncomfortable, I guess.

My pleasure.

I hope we made you feel comfortable, though! Thank you very much, Gaynor.