BLOG: The perpetual ‘yes’
“Yes. Sure. Of course. No problem. I got it. Let me help you. How can I help you? What can I do for you? I’ll figure it out. We can work it out. I’ll do it. I would love to. Seems great, thanks!”
My whole life has been about compliance. People pleasing. Pleasing parents, teachers, supervisors. Residency directors. Medical directors. Admissions counselors. Compliance officers. Nursing managers. Supervisors. In order to get to where I am today, I became the perpetual professional “yes man.”
In the process of trying to please everyone, I became paralyzed, incapable even, of being able to say “no.” Although this concept was something I worked on in my personal life, I found myself struggling with the ability to succeed in giving myself the permission to enforce the same boundaries in my professional life.
Speaking with mentors, friends and colleagues, this problem is ubiquitous and insidious. It is so easy to get caught up in the academic rigor of “do more, with less, and quickly.” Take on committee assignments for “credibility,” not compensation. Say “yes,” while wondering if an honest “no” would have been the answer instead.
Is it because I feel privileged to be where I am? Is it a construct of how I actually got here? These questions have left me struggling, grappling with the “post-decision” wheel of regret, dreading, justifying and acquiescence.
Read the full blog post at Women in Medicine Summit.
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Elizabeth Rubin, MD, is an emergency medicine attending physician at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center with an interest in simulation and quality safety.
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