Family: The most important thing in life
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“A happy family is but an earlier heaven.” – George Bernard Shaw
When I looked up the definition of family, Google responded with 6,830,000,000 results. There was even a link to “The Best 54 Definitions for Family.”
I am not going to review all of them for you.
There were two simple definitions that made sense. The first was “a group of one or more parents and their children living together as a unit.” The second was “all the descendants of a common ancestor.”
There are many definitions of family structure, but three stood out. One is defined as the nuclear family. This is a family unit consisting of two adults and any number of children living together. The second is extended family, defined as grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins either all living nearby or within the same household.
You could never fit my extended family in one household.
The third was reconstituted family, also known as a stepfamily. This unit is formed by the union of two parents, one or both of whom brings a child or children from a previous union (or unions) into the new household.
No greater source of pride
Every definition mentioned above is pretty dry and unexciting. We know that family is more than these definitions. I’m sure you would all agree that family is the most important thing in life.
I bring this up because the walls of my office — like those of most, if not all, physicians’ offices — feature a couple of award plaques, visiting professor plaques, letters from mentors congratulating me on achievements in my career, and diplomas. But I also have 25 photos of my extended and nuclear family spread out atop several waist-high file cabinets.
Interestingly, when visitors or patients come into my office, the first thing they gravitate to are not the diplomas or anything else on the walls, but rather the family photos. If I am not initially in my office, upon my arrival, I see them looking at the photos.
Don’t get me wrong, the awards and achievements have been great and I am very proud of them. However, what I am most proud of is my nuclear and extended family. When I finally face the bright white light, more than likely my family will not be talking about my awards and achievements, but the times we spent together as a family unit.
My father passed away in 2001, just before 9/11, and my mother a year later. More than 20 years have passed since then, but at family gatherings we still talk about times together with both of them, along with our aunts, uncles and grandparents who have also passed. So, it’s no secret that the most important thing in life is family.
Hang those family photos
No one will argue that relationships with friends, colleagues, former residents and fellows, and mentors are all important in our professional and private lives and continue for long periods of time. However, family relationships continue forever, and the stories are carried down from generation to generation. If you still need convincing about family being the most important thing in life, recall its importance during the COVID-19 pandemic when families on every part of the planet altered their daily activities. At times it led to parents feeling more emotionally close to their children and spending more fun time with them, despite other moments of craziness, frustration, loud voices and arguments.
Family makes up a big part of who we are.
So, the next time you’re in your office, take down a few of those diplomas, awards or congratulatory letters and replace them with photos of your nuclear and/or extended family. Or take the photos facing you on your desk and hang them on the wall for everyone to see. I guarantee that your patients will love it, and it may even relieve a little of their anxiety in view of their diagnosis.
I leave you with a quote by Alex Haley: “In every conceivable manner, the family is a link to our past, bridge to our future.”
Stay safe.
- For more information:
- Nicholas J. Petrelli, MD, FACS, is Bank of America endowed medical director of ChristianaCare’s Helen F. Graham Cancer Center & Research Institute and associate director of translational research at Wistar Cancer Institute. He also serves as Associate Editor of Surgical Oncology for HemOnc Today. He can be reached at npetrelli@christianacare.org.
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