Life as both physician, caregiver means balancing ‘what comes first’
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Finding the right way to balance work and life as a physician is one thing for an individual, but some women also have the additional responsibilities of a caregiver to consider.
Nisha Mehta, MD, a radiologist based in Charlotte, North Carolina, has built a portfolio of keynote speeches and other talks focused on life in medicine and physician burnout. She also balances her work and interests in medicine with her life and needs as a mother.
Mehta told Healio that the main question at hand, and one that may change each day or in any given situation, is “what comes first?”
“That is something that every physician parent is struggling with because there are times in your life where being a physician and your patients come first, then there are times when your kids have to come first, and it’s not always a straightforward answer,” Mehta said.
Making a choice
Choosing what comes first as a physician and a parent is never easy and, in some cases, the two worlds will not align without a sacrifice to one side or the other.
Mehta said that because both she and her husband are physicians, there would be nights as attendings or fellows that they were both on call and had to “cross their fingers” that they would not get called in at the same time or else they might have to find care for their children late at night.
“Those are the times, as a parent, you feel really guilty,” she said. “I’m interrupting my kids’ sleep, but by the same token, this is what I have to do to be a good doctor right now.”
Another example that she has experienced and heard from many other physicians is how to choose between remaining at work to deal with an important case and risk missing something for your children.
She continued that it is important to take things situation by situation and decide whose needs are most pressing and in which situation you are possibly replaceable.
“There is the saying that no one else can parent your child but, in some cases, it may also be that no one else can take care of this patient with their exact current needs,” Mehta said. “We do like to tell ourselves we’re mothers first and physicians second, but there are situations that come up where that equation may turn and that takes a lot of getting used to and getting comfortable with.”
Burden of COVID-19
The COVID-19 pandemic has provided no shortage of challenges for everyone, especially health care professionals. With considerations as a caregiver to young children, Mehta faced some specific challenges regarding her family’s safety.
“I now work per diem and there were days where I was asked if I could work and I had to make awkward decisions about how to potentially get child care,” Mehta said.
Mehta added that, during 2020, her kids’ school was no longer offering after-school periods, so her options became even more limited.
“Normally I would always say ‘yes’ to a call from work but, during the early months of COVID, child care was a lot more challenging,” she said. “I had to know who I felt comfortable being at home with my kids and who would potentially bring risk into the house. The pandemic definitely led to making different decisions to keep the kids safe than I would have otherwise made.”
Disparity at work
The gender disparity in medicine felt by many women can sometimes rear its ugly head distinctly in the direction of physician mothers. This can be seen both in the ways the system trains women to think and how others perceive their choices between work and caregiver duties.
“There is this mentality as a physician the system trains you to believe that you’re a physician first over anything else,” Mehta said. “For female physicians, that becomes particularly hard as they try to balance responsibility as a mother and physician. Because of this, many often try to overcompensate.”
One example Mehta highlighted was the situation in which a female physician may face “raised eyebrows” at leaving work early or taking time off to spend with her kids, but a man in the same situation may be praised for “being a great dad and husband.”
“It’s hard for female physicians to see that the man is looked upon positively when asking for time off to spend with his kids, whereas so many times when a female physician does it, it can feel like it’s received as a lack of commitment to their work.”
Mehta concluded that the overall issue is how women and men in medicine are perceived differently, whether it is assumptions that a woman doctor is any other member of staff or when a woman is told they seem aggressive when raising an issue.
“That is a societal issue at large that I think is sometimes amplified in the medical field,” she said.
For more information:
Nisha Mehta, MD, can be reached at nishamehtamd@gmail.com or on Twitter at @nishamehtamd.
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