Grant writing and the art of collaboration

I'm beginning to write a lot of grants, and I have realized that there is an art form to being a good collaborator. A bad collaborator (or even a mediocre one) can take grant writing from a challenging and painful but surmountable task to a monumental feat never before achieved by mere mortals. They can kill your morale. They can frustrate you. They can even go so far as to deep-six your grant. Because at heart I am an optimist I believe that people do not willingly think "I'm going to be the worst possible coworker ever on this one." But I also believe that if you agree to collaborate, then you should go all the way with it. Really. So, here is my list of the worst ways to collaborate.

1. Don't respond to any emails or voice mails in a timely fashion. You know grants are time sensitive. You also know all involved are busy people. So it's just not cool to retain email after email in your inbox "until I get enough time." It's not fair, and it holds up the progress of the grant writing for the primary investigator. If you think you will get to it in a few days, reply and say that. If you think you can't tackle it all at once, take it a bit at a time. If the PI is emailing too much, tell them that so they can be more selective. If you would rather go over things in person, ask them to make an appointment with you. You owe it to them.

2. Agree to collaborate when you know darned well you don't have the time for it. Look, we don't want your help if you can't give us good "service." If you are too busy, just tell us, we'll find someone else. Better to find out now, than three weeks before the grant is due.

3. Don't provide real feedback to the grant draft. Read a grant draft and email me back "Looks good!" Frankly, when I see that I think you didn't read it at all. I want feedback on the flow of the grant, the readability, and clarity of my writing. Also, I personally don't mind grammatical changes (some get irked by that), but don't make that all you do for me.

4. Demand monumental revisions right before the grant is due. It is my practice to get my drafts out at least one month in advance of the grant being due. That should be ample time for any reworking of the grant. Six months or so before the grant is due, I meet with the involved collaborators and discuss design and methods. That is the time to bring up major changes, like dropping specific aims, or adding in a new control arm. It is totally unfair to bring that up in the eleventh hour, because you did not attend the pre-grant meetings.